Saturday, April 22, 2006

Ok, Bobby and I had a fight this morning... and guess where he ran to... I know you already guessed it, but I'll say it anyway... yes he ran right to a 12 step meeting. I think he starts fights just so that he can get out of whatever we have planned so he can go to a meeting that he was already planning to go to... I've thought that many times. He does start fights with people so he can get out of things he doesn't want to do, I'm not sure if he's aware he does it or not... hmmmmm Oh well, and once again he made me feel guilty about wanting to do somthing other than working on either his stuff or my stuff on my day off, while he's at his meeting, guess that's a part of his control thing... hmmmmm So I'm at home working, as usual while he's at a meeting, instead of doing what I'd like to be doing... taking a ride just to get away from this place.... got no one to blame but myself for that one... but I don't want to hear his mouth. I'm responsible for this mornings outburst, have to learn to keep my thoughts to myself, they always just come out. Well at least he's at a place where he can talk to someone about it and get it out while I hold it inside, since I can't talk to him about it, and at the 12 step meetings the whole world knows our business... they love to hear when your down, makes them feel better that they aren't the only miserable ones. That's why he won't talk it out with me, because he has the meetings to run to... its so automatic. Remember I'm to blame for everything, don't ever forget that, everythings my fault. Yep it's me. I want to control everything... I want to have security... I want to have some safety money in the bank... I want a better place to live... I don't want to see him give everything away to the leeches in na that want to always take from him, and they always do... the breakfasts, lunches and dinners that he's brought for others on his charge cards and last money in his pocket... the cell phones, food for their homes...clothes... free books... free cd's.... hey Bobby will get it for me... Bobby's good for a ride.... go ahead take from him, he's a freebie... he won't ask for it back... Bobby likes to do it for me... me me me... na stands for me. Well now I'm like na... broadcasting my business to the whole world...


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