I love him, but I miss a normal life, where two people live together, help each other, both work toward a better life, get along, don't yell, don't dwell on every past word, truly forgive.... enjoy spending time together and can handle hanging around the house for more than a day. A normal life where na doesn't dictate. I would love to say... na? oh I remember that word, that's a thing of the past... we've moved on and are so much happier because of it... we do meaningful things now...at least when I sleep I can dream these things, since I now know the truth that na never goes away... never.

Well boyfriend is now mad at me once again, this time because I didn't want him to read this blog, at least not at the present time... because now he is back into the brainwashing of the meetings and the guy he is hanging around with is big time into meetings, so now I am the bad guy (as usual).

His new friend (I think I called him Ron) calls him a lot of times just like a girlfriend - even boyfriend complained about it (its really creepy)... you're going to the meeting right??? are you coming, when are you leaving, after boyfriend left Ron called I told him he was on his way to pick him up and he sounded so happy. Guess he doesn't get out much.

I never did drugs, but I'm all caught up in this shit, whether I want it or not. I'm na'd saturated, but he doesn't understand, or care, na always comes first, get with the program.

Now I'm going to go have a good cry.

Isn't there anyone out there??? Anyone going through the same emotional roller coaster that I am??? Or anyone that wants to scream about how great na is??? (gag)... Come on, I can take it, give it all you've got... or are you all too busy going to meetings???

Okay, I'm back... unfortunately with the same old story. I thought my boyfriend was trying to change... he was cutting back on the narcotics anonymous ( na ) meetings, trying to wean himself down to one a week, but never coming close to that but at least getting down to 3-4 per week until he met a new friend who is around during the day and goes to at least 2 meetings a day... so he's back to at least 1-2 a day. And listening to all the gossip, especially about Bangel and all the messed up things he does to his poor wife... messing around with a 20 something year old while his wife is at home with the young baby. He lies, and then tells more lies. Just the type of person you want your boyfriend to be around.

The guy he hangs around with now round the clock (well call him Ron, since that's a pretty common name, and I'll probably forget it by the next posting). Ron and said boyfriend met in meeting when Ron's to be exwife was being an idiot with another idiot in the rooms, and said boyfriend stopped Ron from popping the other guy. (you know, that high school behavior). The one that cheated with my boyfriend is now engaged to a guy as old as said boyfriend (50, she's 24). What goes around comes around, she's due for what she did to me. I'm just so happy for her (more sarcasm) that she's engaged with someone from the rooms, with a temper (surprise surprise, who in the rooms doesn't? - and I ask that very seriously). May the two of them continue to live their miserable lives together, like I said she'll get back what she put out. I'm a lot wiser from that whole experience. Guess that's my rambling for tonight, kind of got off the subject which was..... the boyfriend's all talk and back to a big routine of meetings... I guess some things will never change... so I'm keeping myself busy big time and not thinking too much about that crap except how I can make a million... any ideas out there???